When I stopped shaving I set off a chain reaction of choices that eventually led to my divorce and coming out to myself as gay.
I stopped shaving my legs and underarms over a year ago. Any time I mentioned this to other women, they always asked in shocked awe, “Is your husband okay with that?” I wish I had answered with a confident, “My Body, My Rules,” but I didn’t have such confidence at the time. I simply knew I was done shaving and that my husband’s opinion on the matter did not actually matter. It was my choice and he couldn’t control that.
Of course, now I am going through a divorce, and my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s opinion matters even less.
He was fine with me not shaving, for those who are curious. He complained here and there while the stubble was pokey, but overall he didn’t make a big deal about it. It wasn’t like I regularly shaved. I hated shaving, so I shaved maybe once every two weeks, and always missed spots (thanks nearsightedness).
When my eczema got to the point that I wanted to peel off my skin just to stop the intense burning itchiness, I said no more razors. I almost always got razor burn and never wore anything that showed my legs anyways. The decision to stop shaving felt like freedom, and it would be the first of many such freedoms.
I did not immediately go full hairy leg, that would come later. For a while I would use a trimmer to trim the hair, which was less irritating to my skin than a razor. Eventually I got tired of bothering to keep my legs smooth. My eczema was still raging strong on my shins and I just wanted to stop making it worse. So I grew out my leg hair and embraced freedom.
I asked myself why was I shaving to begin with? Who was it for? Not me, I can tell you that.
I hated shaving. Then I wondered why was it shameful for a woman to have hairy legs while men were allowed to grow their body hair wherever and however they wanted?
The answers to these questions led me on a soul searching journey.
Society wants women to look juvenile. From plastic surgery to dying away the grey women are targeted to stay looking younger for as long as possible. This runs counter my own values. I want to age with grace and beauty, accepting all facets of the aging process, wrinkles, grey hair, and all. So why the heck was I shaving my legs when I hated it? I certainly wasn’t shaving for me. I also didn’t care about looking young forever.
I then looked into health benefits of shaving. I wanted to know if there was anything beneficial to shaving leg hair, though the fact men were allowed to have leg hair would have answered this question straight away, I wanted to be thorough. Turns out Ancient Egyptians and Greeks shaved almost all the hair on their body because it was a symbol of status to be clean shaven. Lower class had body hair and pests. Shaving supposedly rid their bodies of lice, fleas, and other pests.
Pest are not a problem for me and I don’t believe leg hair is a determining factor in beauty. I was happy with my research. If I wasn’t shaving for me, then I didn’t need to shave or even trim at all. Done.
I am now a happy hairy legged lady. I have no regrets. My skin feels healthier than ever.
I have a good moisturizer that helps with the eczema and now that I no longer shave it has calmed down. I haven’t had a bad rash or burning itch in almost a year.
The beautiful biproduct of making the choice to stop shaving helped me realize I could make decisions that were centered on what I wanted not what society or another person wanted. This revolutionized my thinking. I started wondering what other areas of my life I was compromising for others and not myself? I started to re-center my thoughts to what I really wanted.
This would open the doors to finally accepting my sexuality, my being gay. (You can read more about that on my previous posts). It also led to realizing that I didn’t like my marriage. I didn’t like who I was with my husband. I didn’t like who he was in recent days. Our dynamic was toxic and neither of us were growing within the confines of our marriage. It was time to really think about what I wanted and take the steps to make meaningful changes. When I told my husband the things I wanted from our marriage, he said he wanted different things. Our marriage had run its course. It was time to part and grow on our own.
I am growing. Learning. And fully coming into my own.
It may seem a simple thing, not shaving, but it runs against what society thinks which is hard for me to counter. I was conditioned to consider everyone else first. To think how it would look to other people. Now I am relearning to think for myself. To ask what I think before anyone else.
It is my hope that as more people make choices for themselves and celebrate their individuality society will change. I hope others embrace their true selves and move towards living authentic, vulnerable, lives, hairy legs and all.
Blessed Be
Learn more about my coming out journey and how I broke away from rigid religiosity on my other posts: