I envision my current life like a bunch of glass balls I’m struggling to juggle. If one drops it could break, so I have to keep the constant motion going. I have to hold everything up. My responsibilities as a spouse, parent, child, friend, employee, coworker, etc. are up in the air. Stress is already running high most of the time. Enter COVID. Suddenly life is chaos. I have to figure out how to keep the juggling act or decide to let some of the balls drop.
I have to figure out how to keep the juggling act or decide to let some of the balls drop.
The responsibilities above shift the minute the coronavirus stretched across my area. At the start everyone was sent home. Schools closed. Companies either furloughed employees or sent them home to work remotely.
My small family was forced to stay home for months. We are all under the same small roof, struggling to juggle are individual responsibilities. We all have our unique weaknesses and strengths, but with a pandemic the stress has skyrocketed.
I struggle with general anxiety and often depression. Before the pandemic shut everything down I was going through a depressive episode. I was just starting to pull through when Covid 19 hit. The metaphorical glass balls I was already struggling to juggle were suddenly multiplied and became impossibly heavy.
Parenting took on another layer. Marriage took on more layers. Being the only introvert in a house of extroverts took a huge toll on me. Not only did I no longer have time away to tend my own needs, but I was forced to be the “person” my extroverts needed to give them energy. I was feeling drained. Burned out.
Then I realized I was juggling too much. I was burdened by too many things, too many glass balls. That’s when I decided it was. Time. To. Let. One. Drop.
Time. To. Let. One. Drop.
I’m going to drop some of the balls anyways, might as well choose which ones to let go. Making the choice gave me some sense of control. I could let go of the things that aren’t important. Then I could focus on what needs the most attention, and let the rest fall away.
The first ball I chose to drop is “being a good child.” I’m a parent now, my parents are adults. It is past time to let the responsibility of being a perfect child drop. I am not responsible for my parents’ emotional health and well-being. They are fully capable of handling themselves. I can let this one go and focus on my own child, and on being a better parent.
It felt good to drop that ball. So good that I started to consider which other balls could be let go.
It felt good to drop that ball. So good that I started to consider which other balls could be let go. Some will be temporary drops. Chores and things will only be dropped while I adjust to new schedules. Once a new sense of normal or a new routine sets in some of these balls and responsibilities will be resumed, others I can happily say are gone forever.
I’m certainly not perfect. In fact I struggled with this so much that I started therapy, which has also helped gain perspective. Talking to a therapist feels like I’m giving my own mental health priority, something I have not done in a long while. It has also helped me calm my emotions enough to think more clearly, so I can make decisions about what to shift with confidence.
It’s okay to not be perfect at everything and to let some things go. These are not normal times, and even if they were, no one can do everything. It’s perfectly okay to let a few things fall.
I give you permission to let a few balls drop right now. You don’t have to juggle it all. Focus on what matters to you.
Blessings be.
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