finding peace Archives - Losing Faith, Finding Spirit

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There are things I cannot change and things I can. Focusing on what I can change gives me power, while focusing on what I cannot change weakens me and fills me with unnecessary worry. It’s hard to shift this focus, but it can be done, little by little, until it becomes easier, then one day, it feels natural.

The Pressure to Always Be Productive

I used to feel that I had to always be productive, constantly doing something that would show results. I couldn’t sit still; I had to be doing something all the time. I have since learned that it’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not be productive. There is healing in rest and joy in stillness. I can find energy in just being. It’s hard to accept because this need to constantly be productive stems from a false belief that I am not enough—that I have to prove my worth tangibly, by having something to show for it. These are false beliefs that I am unlearning.

Embracing the Importance of Rest

I am learning to put my energy where it’s needed and when it’s needed, and to rest as well. I am learning that rest is as important as work. If I am constantly moving and never resting, I will burn out. And I have burned out.

I burned out as a mother, a wife, a friend, and a daughter. I burned out with work, as an artist, a writer, and a creator. I burned out with cooking, cleaning, and just living each day. I was drained and felt internally bruised.

Forced to Slow Down

During the COVID-19 pandemic, I was forced to slow down and take an internal inventory of all my beliefs and self-worth. This period of reflection made me confront the toxic dynamics in my life, including my abusive marriage. The constant hustle of daily life had allowed me to ignore the reality of my situation, but the pandemic forced me to face it head-on.

As I focused on what I could change and let go of what I could not, I found the strength to break free from my abusive relationship. This led to my divorce and the beginning of my recovery journey. It was an incredibly difficult time, but slowing down gave me the clarity and courage I needed to make this life-altering decision.

Now, I am freer. I am learning to rest and relax. I find joy in peace, something I did not even know I could have. I felt like peace was a prelude to chaos because that was the way things had been since I was young. Being surrounded by toxic and abusive people made it impossible to find peace.

Embracing Peace

Now I have let those people go. They are no longer a primary part of my life. With them gone, I have peace for the first time in my 30+ years of revolving around the sun. It is strange and foreign, and it took months to realize that the reason I still felt on edge was the false belief that peace would lead to chaos—that something was just lurking around the corner to jump out and verbally assault me.

I have started to tell myself, “Peace is good. I love peace. I find joy in peace. I welcome peace. Peace is a happy part of my life. Peace is welcomed here.” These mantras help me, especially if I start to feel a little anxious during down-time.

The Healing Power of Rest

This new mindset has also opened the door to resting for the first time in my life. Whenever I checked in with my body or my inner knowing, I felt this strong urge to just rest. Healing could be found in the quiet, in the rest, in the nothingness.

While I rested and recharged, I found my creative spark. I found energy that I thought was gone. I found joy for projects, new and old, that had burned out. In the rest and down-time, I felt renewal and hope.

Embracing the Unknown

I am stepping out in faith, into the unknown, and while it is scary, it is also exciting. There is newness on the other side and success. I don’t have to fear success. I will not lose my success. I will thrive and grow and step into an abundant life. I will overflow with blessings in joy, wealth, love, and health.

I truly believe this, and each day I find a door open or a path laid out that leads me a step closer to my dreams. Each day I am filled with more hope.

Balancing Work and Rest

So, I am learning to balance work and rest. I am learning to find my groove and joy. I am learning, and someday I will look back and be so grateful for all the steps I took to get here.

Key Strategies for Balancing Work and Rest

Prioritize Self-Care: Schedule time for self-care activities such as reading, meditating, or taking a walk. Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential for maintaining your well-being.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between work and personal time. Communicate these boundaries to family, friends, and colleagues to ensure they respect your need for rest.
Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine. This could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths during a busy day or setting aside time for meditation.
Delegate Tasks: Learn to delegate tasks at work and home. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Trust others to help and lighten your load.
Create a Restful Environment: Designate a space in your home for relaxation. This could be a cozy corner with a comfortable chair and soft lighting where you can unwind.

Conclusion

Balancing work and rest is an ongoing journey. By recognizing the importance of rest and intentionally incorporating it into your life, you can break the cycle of constant productivity and find joy in both your work and personal life. Remember, it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to slow down. Embrace the healing power of stillness and find strength in the quiet moments. You are enough, just as you are.

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_{Growing up Evangelical Christian, I struggled with the “how” of things. Overtime my struggle brought me out of religion all together and pushed me into a more spiritual practice. For now I would say I am more Pagan leaning in faith, but even that is a bit of a stretch. “Nonreligious” feels more accurate. Yet I was still searching for HOW to live a fulfilling life of peace.}

Over the years the one word question, how? pushed me to explore every aspect of my faith. I was told you are supposed to live righteously, but not HOW to apply this idea to every day life. I began to feel bored and frustrated every time I left a church service. This tug to a more practical practice eventually left me open to see the overreaching hypocrisy of those in religious leadership. Overtime my respect for the church and their doctrine diminished completely.

As I look inward and try to heal my traumatic past, I again find myself asking “how?”

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I tried participating in 12 Step programs to work through my codependency issues, as well as find healing from having alcoholics in my life. I really struggled with the fact that all the Al-Anon meetings in my area were at churches. The literature and structure of the meetings were too religious leaning for my taste (there is a lot of talk of a higher power or God). Lastly I did not like the fact you could not cross-talk (as in directly talk to someone during the meeting).

I understand that the cross-talk thing is to give space for everyone to speak their hearts, while also limiting advice giving, something codependents struggle with (many of us are rescuers in the relationship), but it felt like we were all talking at one another instead of with one another. All of those aspects reminded me a little too much of my past church life.

The part that finally pushed me away from 12 Step programs is that the literature and overall format feels very “fluffy” and lacking much substance to me. I found myself reading through the books and listening to the talks wondering “HOW?” Members at the meetings kept talking about living this peaceful serene life, but not HOW to live that life.

When I would ask how do I find that peace, I was directed back to the literature and told to follow the steps

When I would ask how do I find that peace, I was directed back to the literature and told to follow the steps. This alone felt too much like my evangelical upbringing, where if I asked HOW they said read your Bible everyday, pray, and repent of any wrongdoings.

Since 12 Steps and the Church did not give me practical how-to on living a peaceful, fulfilled, and healed life, I had to keep searching.

I finally found my HOW. Meditation and Mindfulness.

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During a particularly difficult period in my life the words “mindfulness meditation,” started popping up everywhere. I saw them on magazines lining the check-out at the grocery store and in social media posts. I signed up for emails to be a more peaceful parent, and the biggest advice was to start a meditation practice and get more mindful of your body to reset your triggers.

I felt like the universe was trying to tell me something, so I listened. I looked into mindfulness practices and meditation. I found that starting off with short guided mediations at night, or at least once a day, helped me get inside my body. I slowly connected to my feelings, even the deep uncomfortable ones. I started to know myself better. My triggers became clear, and so did a path through the big feelings.

I found a therapist who gave me some tips on how to break the flooding cycle I was stuck in. I’ll share this here, because in many ways it saved my life.

Simple How-To for stopping the flooding: Fight, Flight, or Freeze response:

First you tense your forehead for a few seconds, then relax.
Next tense your jaw, then relax.
Now your neck, relax.
Shoulders, relax.
Biceps. Relax.
On down through every part of your body to your toes.
Then do the whole thing again, two or three times.
Then you can tense your body all at once and relax.
Take a few deep breathes, breathing into the areas that might still be tense and let go.

That one method saved me from feeling completely stuck in the fear, flight, freeze mode. It moved me into clear thinking and helped me find a way out of the codependent life I had built. It’s such a simple thing. Just tensing parts of your body, then relaxing, but it took 36 years before anyone told me How to do it.

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I am much more consistent in my mediation these days than I was three years ago when I started this journey. When I feel stuck and wonder what to do or how to do something, I now check inward. There is this deep sense of knowing inside that helps me make the next decision. I am learning to trust myself and to rewrite false beliefs that held me captive from a fulfilled life. The more I practice getting in tune with my body the better I feel. The more confident I become in myself the faster I recognize when I am acting in an old, unhealthy or codependent way.

I don’t need a religious institute or 12 Steps to find my inner peace, it was here inside me all along.

Check out my other posts for more content about leaving religion and finding inner peace.

Tag: finding peace

Finding Balance: Embracing Rest and Productivity in Life