Tag: Mental health

Dealing with a Toxic Mother on Mother’s Day

purple sequins inside a shadow box
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Dealing with a toxic mother on Mother’s Day can be a guilt ridden challenge, but you’re not alone. Mother’s Day in America falls in May, a time when society emphasizes honoring mothers. However, for those dealing with toxic or narcissistic mothers, this can be a challenging occasion. In light of this, the blog will focus on Mother-themed posts to help readers navigate this somewhat taboo topic.

Understanding the Impact of Toxic Mother-Daughter Relationships

Growing up with a toxic, narcissistic mother is an immense challenge that often goes unnoticed. As a child, it’s difficult to recognize toxicity in someone we’re taught to depend on and respect. My experience as the eldest daughter was suffused with pressure to meet my mother’s expectations. I became her sounding board, her therapist, and her helper, all while struggling with my own mental health. Conversations about my depression were met with dismissive responses, perpetuating a cycle of emotional neglect. This environment, compounded by an alcoholic father, led to years of emotional turmoil and self-doubt.

It wasn’t until much later, after pursuing a degree in psychology, that I began to understand the true nature of my mother’s behavior. Her obsession with appearances, manipulation tactics, and constant need for attention were classic traits of narcissism. Holidays, especially Mother’s Day, became centered around her, with little regard for the feelings of her children or anyone else.

When you’re dealing with a toxic mother on Mother’s Day the holiday feels like an obligation rather than a genuine expression of love. Every gesture, every gift, is tainted by guilt and resentment. Even after becoming a mother myself, I was expected to prioritize my mother’s needs over my own. It’s a cycle of manipulation and control that’s difficult to break free from.

Setting Boundaries: Prioritizing Self-Care and Well-being

Over time, I’ve learned to set boundaries and prioritize my own well-being. I’ve had to accept that my mother’s behavior is beyond my control and that I can’t change her. Instead, I focus on protecting myself and my own family from her toxic influence. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs, but ultimately, it’s about reclaiming my own sense of identity and self-worth.

Finding Empowerment: Reclaiming Your Identity

For those navigating Mother’s Day with a toxic mother, it’s important to prioritize self-care and set boundaries. Mindfulness practices can help identify triggers and cope with feelings of guilt and obligation. Whether it’s limiting contact, seeking therapy, or finding support from others who understand, there are ways to navigate this challenging relationship.

In the end, it’s essential to remember that you are enough, regardless of your relationship with your mother. You have the right to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, even on Mother’s Day. It may not be easy, but by honoring yourself and your own needs, you can begin to break free from the cycle of guilt and obligation.

My Existential Crisis and the Jellyfish

Finding Peace in Purposelessness

close up shot of jellyfish underwater
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Over a year ago, my world was rocked by a series of events that left me reeling. I lost my abusive, alcoholic father, and shortly after, a dear friend. Amidst this emotional turmoil, I was navigating the aftermath of a divorce, co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-partner, and dealing with my narcissistic mother’s selfish grief. Just as I was beginning to find my footing again in the workforce after a decade-long hiatus, I was struck by a car that ran a red light.

The impact was sudden, leaving me disoriented and in shock. Gratefully, kind strangers helped me out of the wreckage, and though physically shaken, I escaped with only minor injuries. However, the psychological aftermath was profound. The realization that my child could have been in the car with me, coupled with the visual of the damage inflicted, plunged me into a state of grief and existential questioning.

It’s as if a part of me was lost in the collision

Since that moment, I’ve struggled to regain my former sense of self. It’s as if a part of me was lost in the collision, leaving behind a numbness that dulled life’s vibrancy. Depression, grief, and an acute awareness of mortality weighed heavily on me, leading to an existential crisis unlike any I’d experienced before.

Raised in the evangelical church, I was instilled with the belief that life held purpose, that we must strive to achieve something meaningful in the eyes of a higher power. Coupled with the expectations placed upon me by narcissistic parents, this belief system only intensified my existential turmoil.

“Why are we alive? What’s the point of living?”

“Why are we alive? What’s the point of living?” These questions haunted me, gnawing at the edges of my consciousness. But amidst the darkness, a simple yet profound realization emerged—the jellyfish.

school jellyfish in blue light
Photo by Ayyeee Ayyeee on Pexels.com

I recalled watching these ethereal creatures, drifting effortlessly in a vast sea, their translucent forms pulsating with serene beauty. In that moment, I understood: we don’t need purpose to justify our existence. Like the jellyfish, we can simply be.

This revelation liberated me from the burden of expectation, allowing me to embrace the essence of my being without the pressure to conform to external standards. Instead of losing myself to this existential crisis and purposelessness, I shed the weight of creative projects and societal norms, finding solace in the simplicity of just being.

Though I may never fully regain the drive I once possessed, I’ve discovered a newfound sense of peace in surrendering to the ebb and flow of life. I no longer feel compelled to prove my worth or define myself by external measures of success. Instead, I find joy in the present moment, cherishing the small but meaningful contributions I make to the world around me.

To you, dear reader, I offer this simple truth: you are enough. Embrace the essence of your being, unfettered by the demands of society or the expectations of others. Like the jellyfish, drift along the currents of life, embracing the beauty of your existence without the need for purpose or validation. You are enough.